


i want to kiss like my heart is hitting the ground

by little_brown_songbird



Series: Twilight [1]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Blink And You Miss It D/s, Established Relationship, F/M, Hints of praise kink, I Love Alice, Kissing, author is addicted to commas, can u blame her, i don't own twilight or its characters, i stole the title from a mitski song bc i couldn't think of anything else lmao, she wants that vampire dick, smut in second chapter, this is literally just bella being horny, this takes place sometime in between twilight and new moon, who doesn't honestly, yes i'm writing twilight fanfiction in 2020 what about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:02:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25964053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_brown_songbird/pseuds/little_brown_songbird
Summary: Edward was driving me fucking insane.He kept touching me — grazes of his fingers across my arms and neck; keeping a hand on my waist or the small of my back; tucking strands of hair behind my ears. And the kisses. He greeted me with the quickest of pecks every morning, always pulling away before I could turn it into something more. Casual forehead kisses and quick presses of his cold lips to my neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps where they touched. Innocent touches really, that on their own would have left me only a little flustered, but when combined kept me constantly on the edge and hungry for more, more, more.
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale
Series: Twilight [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1884499
Comments: 9
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm writing twilight fanfiction for the first time in years, really hope you enjoy! also please let me know if I should change the rating!

Edward was driving me fucking  _ insane. _

He kept  _ touching _ me — grazes of his fingers across my arms and neck; keeping a hand on my waist or the small of my back; tucking strands of hair behind my ears. And the  _ kisses _ . He greeted me with the quickest of pecks every morning, always pulling away before I could turn it into something more. Casual forehead kisses and quick presses of his cold lips to my neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps where they touched. Innocent touches really, that on their own would have left me only a little flustered, but when combined kept me constantly on the edge and hungry for  _ more, more, more. _

It was all I could think about. I’d had to excuse myself to the bathroom, red-faced and impossibly turned on, on numerous occasions. At this point I was questioning whether or not Edward was doing this on purpose, because I was being way too obvious for him to have not noticed. I didn’t know if vampires could smell arousal and fervently hoped not, or else the entire Cullen family was sure to be having a secret laugh at my expense. Jasper I was sure knew, what with his powers, but was tactful enough to not mention it.

Edward was  _ always there _ , too, so I never managed to slip away for a quick session with the pink vibrator that Renee had bought me with a subtle (or at least I’m sure she thought it was subtle) wink. I was officially losing my mind.

Things got even worse one Friday, when Edward and I were in my room after school. Charlie was still at work, so we had the house to ourselves. I settled down at my desk with an unfinished essay for English, intent on getting the rest of it done so I wouldn’t have to spend my weekend worrying about it. Usually I was a chronic procrastinator, but for once I was determined to actually do homework ahead of time.

Of course, Edward’s presence complicated things. From the corner of my eye I could see him, sitting on my bed, flipping through my battered copy of  _ Jane Eyre.  _ Rationally I knew that he’d read the book a hundred times over and couldn’t possibly be entertained, and that as a vampire he didn’t actually  _ need _ to be sitting down, but it was a convincing show. For a few seconds I let myself stare at him, tracing his features with my eyes as I’d done so many times over the course of our relationship. I knew that I was pretty, beautiful even. But it was hard not to feel inadequate next to Edward’s perfection.

_ Stop that _ , I told myself sternly. I’d become aware of the fact that I glorified Edward with something a little too close to worship. That could never lay the foundation for a healthy relationship. I knew this because for a while Renee had been convinced she was meant to be a therapist, one of her many frivolous obsessions that sometimes lasted days and sometimes months, and the lessons she’d forced me to take with her had taught me  _ something _ , at least. 

Then I realized that Edward wasn’t pretending to read anymore, he was looking back at me with amusement in his golden eyes, and that I’d been staring at him for far longer than was socially acceptable. I flushed, looking downward.

Before I could blink Edward was in front of me, his cold hand tilting my chin upward. I blushed harder as he looked at me, his fingers gentle on my face. 

“I’ll never tire of seeing you blush, Bella,” Edward murmured. “Do you have any idea of how beautiful you are?”

That, of course, just made me blush more. Edward only moved his hand from my chin to the nape of my neck, tracing slow circles there, before he leaned in to kiss me.

Somewhere in the back of my mind was embarrassment that I’d lasted all of one minute before giving in, but I was too lost in the sweetness of Edward’s lips against mine, the sensation of his hands on me, to care. I twined my hands in Edward’s silky hair and melted into him.

We kissed for long moments, softly, sweetly. His touch woke the desire that had lain dormant in me for hours; heat flared low in the pit of my stomach, simmering red-hot and needy. The kiss became heated, more desperate. I moaned against his lips, clutching him tighter. The sound seemed to rouse something in him; he lifted me bodily off my chair and into his embrace. Half a second later we were on my bed, still kissing. Hungry, eager kisses, my hands buried in his hair, his hands roving across my body. Quick touches, not seeming to touch anywhere I wanted him to. Still, I was excited; he’d never allowed us to go this far. Never even  _ entertained _ the idea. 

Edward broke away from my lips, his eyes half-lidded with lust. I moaned again, louder this time, as he moved down to press open-mouthed kisses against my neck. His lips brushed the sensitive spot below my ear, the divot of my collarbones, raising gooseflesh on my chest. One cold hand slipped below my shirt, rubbing soothing circles on my belly, rising higher and higher with each stroke. I willed that hand to go higher, to cup my breasts. Or better yet, lower, down to the aching wetness between my legs. 

“Edward,” I whispered. “Please.” I took his hand in my own and pulled it lower, arching my back, silently pleading.

His hands stilled, and I knew I’d made a mistake.

Edward pulled back and gazed down at me. Bright red and mortified, I tried to turn my head, to look away from the intensity of his golden eyes, but his hand on my face kept me there.

“No, Bella,” he said in that silken voice, deceptively calm. 

“Why not?” I demanded stubbornly. 

His face was inscrutable, all traces of desire smoothed away into a mask of indifference that betrayed nothing. I hated it. “You know why.”

“Edward —”

But he was already standing up, turning toward the window. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Bella,” was all he said, and then he was gone, leaving me flushed and alone on my bed.


	2. Chapter 2

_ Edward’s lips trailing down my neck, his hands cold on my thighs, holding me down — _

“...Bella? Bella? Are you listening?”

I looked up quickly, breaking out of my reverie. “What?”

Alice was staring at me, a crease forming between her eyebrows. She held a shell-pink dress in her pale, long-fingered hands, all silk and ruffles and delicate stitching. “I was showing you the dress I bought for you on my last trip to Paris. It’s so beautiful, and I had it personally tailored for you. Do you not like it?” Now she looked hurt, and I felt a surge of guilt.

“Of course I do, Alice,” I said, trying to smile, but it fell flat. Alice’s brow creased further, this time in worry. She put the dress down and flitted over to where I was seated on my bed.

“If you really don’t like the dress, I can return it. I just wanted to spice up your wardrobe a little. I don’t know if that’s what you’re going for but it’s so dull and bland —”

“I promise that’s not why,” I interrupted, with another failed attempt at a smile. “It’s nothing, really. Just… tired, I guess.”

Alice didn’t look convinced. She took my hands in her own, looking at me with big, sincere eyes. “Bella. You know you can tell me anything. What’s  _ really _ wrong?”

I hadn’t meant to tell anyone about my ill-timed recurring fantasies, pathetic as they were; but Alice’s tone was so tender that all my willpower crumbled. I looked at her hands, intertwined with mine, instead of her face, too mortified by what I was about to admit to look her in the eye. “I…”

  
“Go on,” she encouraged. 

I felt like I was confessing a dirty secret rather than what I was actually doing, which was confiding my relationship issues to a close friend. Annoyed at my own reticence, I steeled my nerve and said, “Actually, it’s Edward.”

“I knew it!” Alice said. “Every time you’re upset, it’s always because of something my idiot of a brother did —” She fell silent at my quelling look. “Sorry, sorry, I’ll be quiet.”

“Thank you.” I cleared my throat, suddenly more nervous than I’d been before, but I forged on determinedly. “I want to… take the next step with Edward, but he doesn’t agree.”

“Take the next step?” Alice gave me a confused look. “What do you — Oh.  _ Oh. _ ” 

“Yeah,” I said, looking back down at our hands. There didn’t seem to be anything else to say, and I wondered if maybe I should have had this conversation with Renee. Alice was my best friend, my sister in all but name, but she was still a centuries-old vampire whose understanding of human issues was limited. Not the best candidate for a candid heart-to-heart about my sex life. 

Not that Renee was likely to handle this any better. I shuddered to remember the brief, horrific Talk she’d had with me at age eleven, after which I was significantly more confused than I’d been beforehand.

“Edward’s always been stubborn,” Alice was muttering. “About something like this —” She broke off, abruptly, with a muffled gasp.

I looked at her sharply, seeing her eyes glaze over for the briefest of seconds, before she blinked and seemed to come back to herself. Without even having to ask I knew she must have seen something, a vision of the future. “What is it?” I demanded. “What did you see?”

Alice blinked again, obviously still a little disoriented. Then her usual smile spread slowly back over her face. She looked back at me, grinning widely. 

“I know that look,” I said, glaring at her. “Whatever it is, I’m not doing it. Tell me what you saw.”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Alice chirped. Before I could say anything else, she got up from the bed and skipped over to the designer purse she’d left on my desk. “But I forgot to mention, I bought you something else in Paris besides the dress! I wasn’t going to give it to you because you’re always such a spoilsport about these things, but maybe you’ll like it. Try to keep an open mind, okay? Okay.” From the purse she withdrew a long white box, obviously containing something very expensive. I eyed her, and it, suspiciously.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that! It’s not even that bad. And as for Edward — don’t worry about him. I’m making him go with me on a hunting trip for the rest of today, so you can have some alone time.” She emphasized  _ alone time _ suggestively.

“Alice!”

“Kidding, kidding. Seriously though, don’t worry. I promise everything with Edward will get sorted out. Trust me. In fact, I think my gift will have something to do with that.” With a mysterious wink, she shoved the box into my hands and was out the door before I could utter a word. 

I stared at the empty space where she’d been, completely flabbergasted. 

Suddenly curious, yet dreading what I would find, I turned my gaze to the box in my hands and flipped the lid off. There in the box, partially concealed by layers of tissue paper, were scraps of red lace. 

_ What the hell? _

Why would Alice give me lingerie? This was weirder than even the time she’d bought me a pair of hot pink stilettos. The closest thing I owned to lingerie was a vaguely lacy lavender bralette that I’d worn once in seventh grade and never again. 

Not that I hadn’t  _ thought _ about it. Renee had a whole drawer of lingerie back in Phoenix, and twelve-year-old me had loved to try it on. I’d never thought about buying lingerie of my own. But looking at the red garments now, I was seized by a sudden, inexplicable sense of longing.

Alice’s words came back to me:  _ In fact, I think my gift will have something to do with that. _ It was just the sort of cryptic, offhand remark Alice liked to make to keep people in the dark about her visions. Could she have meant that the lingerie would change Edward’s mind, that her vision had been about that? A wave of embarrassment flushed me at the thought of Alice foreseeing something like that, but at the same time I knew it wouldn’t be that easy. Edward was frustratingly stubborn, like Alice had said, especially on a matter like this. I knew he wouldn’t budge at just the sight of me in some lacy underwear. 

Still, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.  _ Why not try it on? _ a very small, very traitorous part of my brain whispered.  _ Just to see what it looks like. _

“No,” I said aloud. “Quiet, brain.” 

I sounded insane. But the temptation seemed to have invaded my mind, an insidious thought niggling at me:  _ just try it, just try it, just try it.  _

And what if Alice’s (alleged) vision was right, and seeing me in lingerie made Edward so overcome with lust that he gave in? Not likely to happen, but there was a slight chance.

My hands moved of their own volition, moving aside the tissue paper and taking out the lingerie. I gazed at it for a long moment, trying to look at it impartially. It really wasn’t that revealing, just some lacy panties and a matching push-up bra. Not a thong or g-string or anything; at least Alice had known better than that. And it was a less flashy color than I’d thought at first, more of a muted burgundy than a bright red. 

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I muttered, but I was already pulling my T-shirt over my head, then slipping out of my sweatpants. Naked, I picked up the panties and slid them up my thighs. The bra went on too, getting stuck for a moment before I managed to wriggle my arms through the straps. 

Then, taking a deep breath, I made myself turn and look at my reflection in the mirror.

I looked… not bad.

In fact, I realized, I looked better than  _ not bad.  _ The bra straps were tight and itchy on my shoulders. But the bra pushed my boobs up into a semblance of cleavage, and the panties cupped my ass flatteringly, creating the illusion of wider hips and thicker thighs. 

Quickly, curious now, I left the closet in favor of the larger mirror next to my bed. In it I could see my entire body from head to toe, could fully register the sweep of my hair over my shoulders and breasts, the gentle curves of my hips. I’d never seen myself like this. The sight was heady, almost intoxicating. 

It was a simple thing to slip a hand down my body, to the apex of my thighs. Even simpler to close my eyes and let the fantasy take shape in my mind’s eye: Edward’s hands and mouth on me, my hands tight in his hair, begging for him…

Somehow I made it to my bed, still caught up in the fantasy, too impatient to look for my vibrator. I imagined that my hand was Edward’s hand, Edward’s mouth, kissing and sucking and  _ biting _ . “Edward,” I moaned, spreading my legs wantonly. 

Distantly I registered a strange noise, almost like an inhale of breath, as if in response. But I was too distracted to react; too busy arching my back, moaning louder as the pleasure began to crest —

“Am I interrupting?” said a familiar voice, as smooth and gentle as always, and my eyes flew open.

Edward was standing at the foot of my bed, watching me with dark eyes.

Quickly I snatched my hand away, dread and embarrassment and shame flooding me. “Edward —”

“Oh, don’t stop on my account,” Edward interrupted, moving forward on silent feet until he was hovering right above me. He brought his hand to my face, stroking the curve of my cheek. “Bella,” he said softly. 

“Edward?” 

He didn’t respond, just kept his hand gently holding my face. His other hand traced circles on my stomach, like he had that ill-fated night a week ago — but this time his hand didn’t stop there. Instead, it slipped down to the waistband of my panties, toying with the lace indolently, leisurely. My breath hitched, body tensing in anticipation. 

“Edward,” I breathed.

He lifted his head, and I gazed into his eyes. Up close I could see that his irises were darker than I’d ever seen them, his dark circles distinctly pronounced. There was something hungry, ravenous even, in his eyes, but for once I didn’t think it was my blood he thirsted for. 

For a moment we were both silent, my breathing the only sound in the room. 

Then the hand that had been on my face moved downward and cupped my breast.

My legs thrashed involuntarily, almost kicking Edward in the face. I flushed bright red, mortified. But Edward laughed quietly, a low, husky laugh that only intensified the force of my blush, and moved his hand along the underside of my breast.

He met my gaze again. “May I?”

I knew what he was asking. Mutely, irrationally nervous, I nodded.

His fingers pushed the straps of my shoulders, slipped the bra down my body. I lay exposed before him, the cold air stippling my bare skin with gooseflesh. I closed my eyes again, engulfed by a wave of self-consciousness, waiting on tenterhooks for him to speak. 

A beat of silence passed; then another and another. Unable to bear it any longer, I opened my eyes. “Say something. Anything.”

He was just looking at me, his face unreadable. “But what do you want me to say, Bella? Words can’t describe how beautiful you are.”

I could feel myself blushing. I tried valiantly to hide how much his words had pleased me. “Very original.”

“But it’s true,” he said, entirely serious. That made me blush harder, all the way down to my boobs.

“I always wondered how far down your blush went,” he said absently. I gaped at him, shocked at how candid he was being. Not for the first time I was struck with how quickly this had all happened, and how unexpected it was; this reaction was something I’d never in a million years expected from Edward. He’d always been so cautious, never letting us go farther than kissing, less uninhibited than a monk. Now this? Alice had been right, it seemed.

As I was gawking at him, he moved both hands to cup my breasts in his palms, weighing them, gentler than I’d thought possible. Without any warning, one hand crept upward and tweaked my left nipple.

“ _ Edward _ ,” I moaned. “Please.”

Even in the dim light of my room I could see that Edward was grinning, his teeth flashing white. I didn’t care. I just shut my eyes tightly, hips jerking upward, seeking friction,  _ something _ to relieve the ache between my legs.

“All in good time,” I heard him murmur, both hands now playing with my nipples. 

“ _ Please _ ,” I said again, spreading my legs wider. An offering, in every sense of the word.

He groaned quietly, bending to press his face into my chest, dropping kisses onto the skin between my boobs. “The things you do to me, Bella.” I could feel him breathing in the scent of me, desensitizing, or maybe _appreciating_ _the bouquet_ , as he liked to say. Perhaps both.

Then Edward brought his lips to my ear, grazing against my earlobe with every word he spoke. “Listen to me, Bella. Keep your hands on the headboard. Don’t move unless I tell you to.” Something in his voice, a harsh note I’d never heard from him before, told me not to argue. I nodded.

He moved his right hand back down to my panties. This time, he slipped his hand directly into it, making contact with the soft skin underneath. Just that brief contact had me moaning louder, pushing myself into his hand. 

I tried to turn my head away, to hide my face from him, but Edward’s hand gripped my chin tightly. “Don’t hide from me, Bella,” he whispered, his voice more a growl than anything, hoarse with lust. “Never hide from me.” That had my blush returning in full force, but I kept my eyes open, looking back at him. 

Edward moved his finger in slow circles, his other hand still massaging my breasts, until he found the small bundle of nerves that he’d been looking for. I arched my back again, barely able to hear my own groans over the pounding of my heart, the rush of blood in my ears. I could feel his eyes on my face, watching, watching as I writhed and moaned, my chest heaving.

“That’s it, Bella, sweetheart,” Edward was saying, his voice echoing distantly in my ears, as if from underwater. “You’re doing so well for me.”

The  _ sweetheart _ sent me over the edge. I cried out, grinding myself against his hand, rocking my hips desperately. “Edward,” I sobbed, flailing in earnest now as pleasure exploded through me, washing away all feeling but the sensation of his hands on me. Edward bent, catching my cries in a firm kiss, his hand still working between my legs, coaxing out the last of my orgasm. 

When it was over, I let my head thump back against the pillow, my limbs suddenly too heavy to move. Edward stroked my hair, murmuring words of praise and endearment into my ear. 

Suddenly remembering, I made a halfhearted gesture towards his pants, where I could see through half lidded eyes a very noticeable bulge. “What about you?”

Edward just brushed a kiss against my forehead. “I’m fine.”

“But —”

“Maybe next time,” he told me. “Sleep, Bella.” He started to hum my lullaby, sweet and quiet in my ear. A low blow; he knew how quickly that put me to sleep. I was already half asleep when it registered what he’d said:  _ next time. _

I smiled sleepily, sated and content.  _ Thank God for Alice.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, comments and kudos make my day! Please tell me what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> Any comments and kudos would make my day, I really want to hear what you guys think!


End file.
